Something I think is not talked about enough is the emotional toll that weight loss surgery can take on someone. The doubts, the stress, the WORK…it is all so much. I still say (8 weeks out) that it is ALL worth it. I’m just saying, that there is a lot of “it”.
It starts before you have surgery, when you are deciding. When you’re evaluating the work, the cost (again, praise God that I was able to benefit from this w/ zero out of pocket), the time, the sacrifices, the changes – all those things that make up this journey – your brain is on overdrive. You are researching, talking to friends, to people who have had the surgery (and bonus if those two previous sets are the same people), talking to doctors, feeling your family out to see how they would react….you’re talking to YOURSELF, wondering is this the answer? You doubt. You worry. You think people will think “you took the easy way out”. (Spoiler alert: Some do. You start to care less when you realize how WRONG they are!) You worry it won’t be worth it. (Another spoiler: It is.) You fear the pain, the judgements, the structure…the sacrifice. You wonder if you can really do it on your own. These thoughts really haven’t ended for me, specifically. There are days that I feel on TOP OF THE WORLD…so happy and healthy and have no fear. There are days that I can barely get out of bed because my tummy is in pain, I can’t even THINK of eating another bite of ANYTHING, and I fear dehydration. There are days that I get tons of compliments and still go home and cry because I feel fat. There are days that I post a picture on Facebook…get 100 likes…and notice that one person in particular hasn’t liked it and it makes me self-conscience.
When I say it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’m not exaggerating. I’m not being dramatic. Knowing that the eating habits of my past are just that….my past, knowing that sometimes it means I’ll be left out of things…knowing that people are judging me…knowing that my family’s eating habits have had to change…knowing that I can’t rely on food to comfort me (seriously, that’s a thing!)…IT.IS.HARD. There are so many things that you don’t think about this affecting. So many ways it changes you. So many ways it shifts your priorities.
I’ll say it again…….it is so worth it. My family is worth it. Growing old(er) with my hubby is worth it. Saving damage to other organs (from meds for diabetes & high blood pressure) is worth it. I am worth it!