My heart is really heavy tonight. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve read, I’ve watched…I’ve tried to comprehend the details and then shut my computer in dismay. I have hugged my children, absorbed in their scents, and thanked the Lord for my blessings. I feel so incredibly sad for the families of the little angels that lost their lives today. I feel so raw with emotion that I can’t even put into words exactly how it makes me feel. I am looking to my Lord. I am not asking for answers or understanding or even peace. What I ask is for more people to trust Him. More people to have the kind of faith that moves mountains. That heals hearts. That forgives. Those children were so innocent, so unfinished. Surely so loved by a parent or two….grandparents…great-grandparents..aunts..uncles…brothers…sisters. Those small little hands and fingers and toes….so small and yet so missed this evening. I cannot even imagine the hurt and loss that their families must be feeling. But, even so, I pray that they have faith. I pray that they look to Him. I pray that they would draw closer and nearer to the only one who can deliver them. I pray that they would know Him, love Him, trust Him. Only through Him will they once again see those small eyes and be reunited among streets of gold!!! I pray for comfort for these people, this town, our country. We surely need many things…but most of all, Him.
Category: my heart
Love and Marriage…and…Progress Reports??
Of course when I was in school…progress reports were not my favorite thing. Once I discovered boys started high school I sure didn’t like those two words together. I never thought I’d yearn for a checkup of how I’m doing! However, as an adult who works full time in a fast paced role, I look forward to performance reviews to be able to have that check-in with my boss (a busy, Global Vice President). I need to hear the good, bad and ugly of how I’m doing so I can act on it. As a Manager, I welcome the opportunity to do the same. I take it seriously. I’m probably one of the few people who really enjoys it!!
Well..as a married woman who love love loves her hubby so much…like SO much..I often wish I had a template of a marriage progress report to measure my performance. To feel like I know what I’m doing right and wrong and in between. I’m going to create one. I want to. I might. I should add that to my bucket list. Mike and I have our own detailed conversations about this and daily I truly do attempt to do something that translates the WORDS I love you into an action…but life is busy and chaotic and sometimes you just want to be sure that’s the message you’re conveying! Somewhere between the “Honey, can you pick up supper?” and the “I have no idea where your socks are. I don’t wear them!”, you just want to know that the love is shining through!
Hmm. More on this later. Need to wash some socks.
Countless Captions – My Daddy
So, I did this earlier with my great-grandmother’s picture…and I thought it was time again. Chose THIS GUY…since it was just his birthday and I had this awesome picture of him!
That man right there is my Daddy. He’s a great husband to my Mom, a wonderful Daddy to us girls, and a fabulous Papa to all the grandkids. This pic was taken at his birthday party just a couple of weeks ago. It makes me think of a few things:
- to get my Daddy to smile straight on in a pic – IMPOSSIBLE
- his laugh, which is contagious
- his love of San Felipe where he orders “pollo VANDITO” every time, no matter how many times I correct him (fundido)
- our Sonic dates when I was a teenager…every Friday night
- his height…six feet six inches..he has always been the “jolly green giant” to me
- him taking me to my first race in 1989…getting vomited on and leaving early! LOL
- Darrell Waltrip
- that stache. (Victor Newman? LOL Weekend at Bernie’s??)
- I remember hanging out with him when my mom worked in retail and we would order pizza, those were some of my favorite nights!
- That time we sat on the floor together to watch Miami Vice and he ended up with knee surgery (womp womp wompppp)
- I also remember the gut-wrenching feeling of disappointing him (too many times)…and the hurt look in his eyes…thinking there was NO way he could feel as bad as I did (as a parent know, I know that’s not the case)
- If you know my Dad, you know he watches commercials. All of them. And he likes to talk about them. And I secretly sometimes watch the funny ones so we can talk about them. 🙂
- Seeing him and Christian build things when Christian was about 3 or so….melting my heart.
I am so blessed with a Daddy. Not a “father’ or a “dad”, but a DADDY. He’s always been there for me and still is. As a teen, when I thought I’d done that THING that would make him not love me anymore..it was when he surprised me and was more present than ever. In my adult life now, I am so very thankful for my childhood relationship with him and even more for the grown up relationship too. I truly believe I married someone that’s somewhat like him – and that makes me so very proud.
Gee Thanks!
So, I’ve been a bad, bad girl. I haven’t been on FB to post every day what I’m thankful for! <Gasp!> (Before you think I’m talking about YOU, I did it last year and I didn’t hate it….so I’m not judging.)
But, we all know by now, I’m a list girl. I’m thankful for lists. That’s all! Good night, thanks!
Okay…maybe…more….like…
- My personal relationship with my Lord and Saviour. (If you don’t have that, please talk to me!)
- My sweet, considerate, funny hubby. Our relationship is crazy strong and we are just getting started! (Six years…)
- My kids…all three of them are so different but such great combinations of personality, wit and charm. (And sarcasm.)
- My family, every single member of it. Both sides. All sides. Especially the relationship with my Mom. Always there for me. Always willing to listen. Also, the relationship between myself and my step-wife (my step-son’s Mom if you are not in the know) is such a blessing. No drama, just working together for the good of our families that are intertwined. Makes perfect sense, huh? 🙂
- Our home. Though we are trying to sell it…it has provided shelter from storms, cold (hmm), heat and rain…we’ve welcomed a new life into this home together and had many moments of cheer and sadness as well.
- My job and it’s blessings..coworkers…my team..my boss..my friends made and kept there…
- Yoga pants
- Short hair (don’t care)
- Talenti gelato
- My wonderful family physician…Phillip takes such good care of us ALL!
- A clean house and the fabulous lady who makes that possible!! (Love my cleaning angel!)
- That all my kids are potty trained!!!
- Social media. It’s been a lifeline at times for me. Might sound sad..but it’s true.
- Lifetime movies
- Nordstrom personal stylists. Sometimes when I put on one of the outfits she put together for me I’m still shocked that I’ve gone outside the box on some things.
- Hallmark Channel
- Dasani water
- Bojangles. Just yes.
- Thyroid medicine. Makes such a difference.
- Excel. Pivot tables. V look ups.
- Freedom
- Fantasy Football – gives me a reason to watch and spend time with my boys and hubby
- Blogging. A healthy outlet for me.
Not blogging, just being…
So, I’ve honestly not worried that I’ve neglected my blog lately…and with good reason. I have been busy getting better, spending time with my family, working, the usual. I’ve also been sure to tell my family I love them, and I’m starting on my quest to tell people when they hurt my feelings, to tell people when they make me mad and to express my opinions out loud. It is a good feeling to lay down at night and not worry that you’ve left something unsaid. I’m still finding it hard at times and I know that has way more to do with ME than anyone else. Still working at it….and I know it will get easier.
A bit of bubbly…
As I’m attempting to complete the NaBloPoMo blogging party…I’m using some prompts to keep things fresh around here and not just write about MONO! 🙂 Today’s is about compliments…
So I tweeted the other day about someone calling me bubbly….I seriously think it’s my favorite compliment. Who wants to be known as “Debbie Downer” or “Negative Nancy”? (No disrespect to any Debbie or Nancy, mind you, I know some of them in particular and they are fine people.) When I met my husband and he emailed a sweet note after our date…he included that he loved that I was “bubbly” and “energetic”. My performance reviews at work have noted the “bubbly” aspect. I.Love.That. I love that most people know that I’m the positive, smiling, happy chick in most situations. I do search for the good in things. I hope for the best in others. I enjoy making others smile and try to cheer anyone up who doesn’t appear to be having a good day. Sometimes I wish I were that friend that always knew what to say. I wish I had the words to make everyone feel better or smarter or let them KNOW that I’m listening. But, mostly, I end up joking around and then…so do they. So I feel like this is a pretty good tactic and I’m going with it. When I looked up the definition…the one word I LOVED that it used….SPARKLING. I am sure it was referring to the drink sort of bubbly…but I’ll take it. It is one thing I own. I have been given compliments before that felt insincere or that I felt I wasn’t worthy of…but, bubbly….I can rock that one. 🙂
Ideal Living…NaBloPoMo
So I thought I’d participate in NaBloPoMo….and I’m using some prompts to get me going!
If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
So, if I could have all my family with me…my current job…all my fave things…and pick them all up and plop them down somewhere? I’d have a hard time choosing between some of the most awesome places on Earth that I’ve visited…from Charleston, SC…to Augusta, GA…to Monterey, CA…Newport Beach, CA..Cabo San Lucas, Mexico…Kauai, Hawaii…Guanacaste, Costa Rica..Nassau….Miami, FL…Orlando, FL..Long Beach, CA…Cinncinati, OH…St Louis, MO…Lexington, KY…Asheville, NC…Boone, NC…Dallas, TX…Pebble Beach, CA…Carolina Beach, NC…OBX, NC…Virginia Beach, VA…Washington, DC…
I think I’d probably be very content with living just outside of Charleston, SC. Maybe Folly Beach or Johns Island or Kiawah. I absolutely adore Charleston. The charm, the history, the scenery, the food, the people…the feeling I get when I’m there is one of total LOVE for this place. I don’t want to leave it when I’m there…I get SO excited about my next visit and as soon as I leave it I am planning the next time back. If only all my family would go with me…and my job…and my entire life….I’d just never come back!!!
Mama and Daddy…a call away
So, something happened today that made me even more grateful for my Mama and Daddy.
The thought of losing them.
As a dear friend is going through the impending loss of her mother, I daydreamed about this reality in my own life. I can’t even imagine my life without a phone call (or ten) a day from my Mama. I can’t imagine shopping and not thinking about being excited to show Mama what I bought. I can’t even fathom going to my childhood home and my Daddy not sitting in his recliner talking about a TV show…OR commercial! My kids love going to see Nanny and Papa. My hubby loves to talk to my Dad about electronics or weather or anything, really. I just love them, and knowing they are there. They aren’t elderly. They are not in poor health. But I also know they are not mine forever. They will be gone one day and though I know they will have the happiest reunions along streets of gold…I will miss them being here among our streets, just a phone call or a short drive away.
Countless Captions
So, many bloggers have a “Wordless” something post where they add a picture with no caption or explanation. I thought I’d do something a little different since I am rarely never wordless and in fact have many, many words to share and do so quite often.
I decided to browse through my iPhoto album on my Mac which includes new and old photos…and stop on the one that evoked the most emotion. What I stopped on was this sweet woman:
It is my great-grandmother, Myrtle. She was my “Ma”. She was everyone’s “Ma”, really. Her picture reminds me of many things…
- ear-bobs and ruffled shirts
- exquisite clothing
- frozen pizza with added toppings like ketchup and bacon
- her art…capturing flowers or birds or fruit, in the most amazing of ways
- Richard Petty
- chicken pox
- panty hose and black shoes
- sugar
- her poised demeanor
- a formal “front room” where the Christmas tree was placed each year
- low-pile carpet
- her chair in the corner where she’d read or sew or talk
- the gift of gab…she loved to talk (and I loved to listen)
- her art supplies under the stairs
- claw-foot tubs and the walk through between closets
- attics full of treasure
- my first Papa
- thimbles
- the stool beside her bed, the cause of many falls
- Psalm 23 (on the wall beside her bed)
- pies cooling on the porch
- pecan trees and squirrels
Basically, it takes me back to being a child. Of my mom letting me stay with her when I had the chicken pox. She folded out the couch for me and took such good care of me. She waited on me and enjoyed it. So much. And what she probably never knew was, having chicken pox was one of my favorite childhood memories.
Guilty of a Happy Marriage
I feel bad from time to time about talking about how happy Mike and I are….and then, I stop. Because I *am* happy and I don’t think I should feel guilty about that. I am blessed and I know it. I’m appreciative and I thank the Lord for it every day. Is it perfect? No. Do we argue? Yes. Does it last for days? NO!
I don’t know how to explain it but we are both so very appreciative of one another that we just simply don’t let time pass without letting each other KNOW that. We are very careful to not sweat the small stuff. We are open, honest, and truly try to make each other happy every single day.
And if you have a similar relationship – good for you! And if you don’t, I sincerely hope one day you do.
Either way, I won’t apologize about my happiness. Ever again.
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